I and my girlfriend have both agreed that we need to start a diet and exercise regimen. Since we started dating two years ago, we both have been getting meals out often and have gained weight. I am 5'10" and have gone from 165 lb to 185 lb. She is 5'3" and has gone from 130 lb to 165 lb, both approximately. We are both 19 years old, so I figure that it would be easier to lose weight now than if we were older. I want to lose the weight now and just keep it off rather than it be a problem later on.
The problem is, she defaults back to unhealthy eating and no exercise after no more than a week. I have gotten her on board three times. Two times she defaulted the next day, once she lasted about a week. I can stay committed, but she has issues in that area. I do not understand why she gives up, because we both lost weight in that week. I stayed on it for about 3 weeks and lost about 8 pounds before I gave up because she was frustrated that I never want to have meals with her and I spent some of my free time exercising rather than with her. She keeps dragging me down and it is bothering me a lot.
We were only moderately dieting and walking for an hour a day and making amazing progress. I want to continue and go all the way.
How can I REALLY get her to commit to this? I've talked to her about how it affects our self-esteem, health, and sexual relationship (sex drives skyrocketed for both of us while we were dieting and exercising for that one week together). She just can't stay focused on the goal.
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My boyfriend and I are currently in the same situation, and honestly... For a while I was afraid he was the one who posted it!
Anyway, here's what we did
He's way focused and committed to it, but sometimes I find myself tempted by "comfort food" and it worse during certain times...
So, he let me do my thing, come up with excuses, saying I'm "sick" or using school/work as my alibi. The truth is, while he was bettering himself, I was usually watching TV, or doing anything that allowed me to sit/lay down. Finally, one day he came in, and it was like he was a totally diff guy. His face was super thin, well defined, his jeans looked a little baggy, and the sleeves on his arms looked a little tight. He stepped on the scale. After only 1 week he had dropped 7 pounds, and lost almost 2% on his BMI. I was so jealous. I looked in the mirror, and really LOOKED at myself. I didn't "suck in" or turn sideways. I stood there, and saw how unattractive I looked.
By no means was our relationship suffering because we both had "taken a break" from our healthy lives, but I started realizing that it probably was starting to show and Kev probably saw the imperfections I did.
So, I started thinking I needed to make a change. I went to the dr for a check up, and ended up having her tell me that I was at risk for a thyroid condition and I could start to get healthy and see improvements over night. Clearer, brighter skin; thicker shinier hair; more energy; better sleep at night; and an increase in moods. She recommended I get off of anything "white". Flour,
Potatoes, chips, rice, bread... On and on. I switched to whole grain, wheat, and corn. I started the process of getting off soda, and I started looking at pictures of me when I was a size 4. I started reflecting and realizing it wouldn't be that hard to get back to my attractive days
So, the way my boyfriend played a role in helping me get to the motivated state, was to keep himself motivated. He would even call, or text to invite me. Even though he knew I wouldn't go. He started saying stuff like "hey, I really like it better when we work out together. I think we both have lots of fun. I'd love of you'd meet me there!" Then, when I didn't go and he came home, he'd never bring it up. He would only talk about how good he was feeling, and he said he also said he thought ridding our diet of whites was improving his energy, and producing great results. He would also say "man, I just wish you knew how great I feel all day. Even waking up, I feel ready to go. It's such a great feeling!" Ultimately, saying it like this made me psych myself up to start a lifestyle change.the next day, I went. I felt so awesome afterwords and I slept like a baby. He and I go together almost everyday. We help and motivate each other, and it's a great way to spend time together.
If reverse technique doesn't work, you could always tell her that you think working out together and changing your diet would really help take the relationship to the next level. Set goals together, and have only 1 day a week (the same day each week) where y'all weigh and measure each other. Make it a contest. Not only a pounds contest, but also take measurements.
For example:
Her goal could be "lose 20 lbs, shrink my waist to a 29, tone my arms down by 3 inches, shrink my thighs by 5 inches, and tone buttocks by 2 inches. Drop 7% BMI
Your goal: (just for an example) gain 10 pounds of muscle, reduce BMI by another 5%, add 4 inches to arms, and 2 inches to calves.
Set a date: 3 weeks from the day the lists are made.
On that day, 3 weeks later, measure each other and weigh in. Who ever was closest to their goals on that day, win. The prizes can be really fun to plan.
Then, 3 weeks after that, do it again. Once you've reached the goal, continue going to the gym. Find a way to have a long term reward. We have a jar. This jar holds vacation money. Every time we go to the gym, we slide money in the jar. Whatever we have. Change, or bills. But, this keeps us motivated to work out, so we can go to a beach to spend our vaca money.
It really works! If nothing else seems like it would work, do the "beach body vaca fund" and see if that'll get her motivated. Once she is, do your best to keep her confidence up. The more you tell her how great she looks and how you already see a difference, she should keep going. Also don't be afraid to really show her you think she's looking great. Exercise does increase sex drive, maybe just show her how much it increases. Tell her you can't keep your eyes off her, how sexy she looks WHILE working out, how you can hardly control yourself most of the time she's around. Girls loveee to hear that stuff , and also when the men actually show it.
Hope thi
- Honestly i think you should stay committed. She is either going to go or she's not. Her complaint is probably more not wanting to loose you to a hotter chick has anything. Maybe if you stick with it she will come around on her own but pressuring a "woman" to loose weight is a thin line. You may inevitably push her into a depressed state and make things more difficult
