My mom is 54 now and is overweight. I've worked as a personal trainer. I know what she needs to be eating and have tried on many occasions to show her exercises to work out. She liked working out when I was able to make it to help her with the exercises. She had lost 10 pounds. But she gradually started working out less. She would say she was stuck at work every night. I'd ask her to work out in the morning if that was the case and she would say she's too busy getting ready in the morning. Other days, she'd get home and want to watch tv - saying she was too tired and had had a long day.My family has heart problems. Her dad had a heart attack when he was about her age. She is overweight and is gaining weight back. Her mom, my grandmother, was apparently so upset to see she had gained weight that she had stayed up all night worrying that first night they stayed over to visit. Not only has my mom stopped working out, but she has begun eating poorly again. I had a talk with her yesterday about getting back on track. For several months, I had stopped trying to get her to work out and eat healthy...and tonight, she went out for a rich dinner from Boston Market (full of sodium, fat, calories). I cannot understand why it's so difficult. I terribly want to see her get healthier.She always says she would like to lose weight. But she has no desire. As a personal trainer, I *know* that you cannot help a person unless they truly want to be helped. I understand that all I can do is provide her with the information and with the resources. But at the same time, it's bothersome to have to sit and watch....I - as well as most of you I'm sure- want a parent who has mobility, livelihood, and health into old age. I also think it would nice if she could find someone to date again so that she isn't lonely. There have to be ways to get your parent motivated to losing weight and sticking to a healthier, more active lifestyle.Thanks for answering lex. I've actually tried bringing her out to the pool - she used to love swimming and was on the team as a kid. She really enjoys swimming but never gets out to the community pool (which is a two minute walk). I've also tried kickboxing. I've suggested we get a hitting bag. I figured that would be less of a chore. She simply says that yes, that would be nice. I've gotten her to exercise on a bike while watching tv but she won't do it frequently because she wants to eat dinner with tv and go to sleep.
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It sounds to me that you've approached this situation like any personal trainer in a gym would approach it, but you didn't approach it like a daughter would.I'm a gal who is pretty buffed. I can run a mile in less than 8 minutes. I love to sprint whenever possible. I'm in very very good shape.I hate exercise. I can't stand it. It's a chore... no, it's torture. It's so boring. And then there's the guy who always has to give you all the unwanted advise... God I hate the gym.I love martial arts though. I love the intense training. The focus. The power. The art. Some have even told me how much money I'm "wasting" because I spend $70 for martial arts classes instead of taking advantage of the free gym membership offered by my landlord. Perhaps financially that is a waste, but let me put it this way. I GO to martial arts classes willingly. I don't even set foot in the free gym. Nor would I ever.My point is that your education and knowledge is actually what's betraying you here. You showed her one way to lose weight. And when it didn't work out, you feel a sense of defeat. Plus, what you showed her does nothing for the root cause of the problem, which is her loneliness. Consider other things that are exercise that are far more enjoyable than doing whatever aerobic exercise to jazz music. Consider focusing more on her need to socialize than her need to exercise, and perhaps find something that can accomplish both. Dancing is a huge thing. Tai Chi classes are a lot of fun, and while I haven't seen anyone particularly lose weight in the ones my school offers, there have been a lot of friendships develop. Plus, they're moving and feeling a sense of accomplishment other than in just pounds. Moving is better than sitting. Don't get stuck in this rut of your own knowledge. She doesn't think the same as clients who are paying you, so you can't approach it the same.I guess as a personal trainer you can go on arguing with me about how none of what I suggests offers a "whole body workout" which is ideal for weight loss, blah, blah, blah, blah. But right now you haven't been able to keep her interest on anything you tried, so try something else. Something beyond just exercise.EDIT: Ah, thank you for the clarification. So it sounds to me like your mother is "the magic pill" type. Basically as you already know, there's a difference between people who want to lose weight, and those who only think they do. Those who really want to lose weight tend to find a way to do it if they can, and those who can't, still end up better off, looking and feeling healthier even if they aren't actually lighter. Then there's the others who find losing weight would be nice, but will only do it if they can get a magic pill that they just have to swallow in the morning and they're done.Unfortunately, you cannot build that desire in another person. You can only encourage it if it's there. Often times there's a deep seated problem where losing weight just simply doesn't seem worth it, even if it would be nice. Your mother could be loneliness. You may have to work on her socializing first before you can tackle the problem with her weight. Finding her a social circle whether it be art, dancing, or school where she can feel rewarded and valued before she can tackle her weight problem.
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- She is a grown adult and would like to make her own decisions about eating and exercising. You can't force someone to do what you want or suggest...leave her be...if her doctor is concerned with her weight, than he will tell her what to do. She doesn't need any more advice.
